(theme music playing )
Announcer: From New York City,
it's "The Chris Rock Show."
Tonight, actress Viveca A. Fox,
musical guest Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott,
plus musical director Grandmaster Flash.
( audience cheering )
Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Rock!
Thank you!
Thank you all.
Thank you all for--
( cheering intensifies )
Thank you all...
for--
Thanks for--
Woman: I love you, Chris! Oh my goodness.
( audience applauds )
( stammers )
Stop it, Ma!
What the hell?
Calm down, woman!
How's it going, Flash? ( mumbles )
So, big week this week, big week, big week, big week.
Mitch "Blood" Green--
Mitch "Blood" Green is suing Mike Tyson
for beating his ass
in 1988.
'88! That must have been some ass-whipping
that he's gonna sue--
"'Cause I can't-- I can't sit down.
I gotta sue Mike Tyson.
My ass still hurt."
What the hell's going on? And they're in court right now.
Yesterday, Mitch's mother testified
and showed photos of her son
with his face swollen and grotesque.
And the judge ruled them as "inadmissible evidence"
because it was taken before the ass-whipping.
Now, admittedly...
Mitch-- Mitch isn't much of a looker.
This week a teenager in Mississippi--
in Mississippi, opened fire on his classmates,
just started killing kids, man!
It must be real hard going to school in Mississippi, huh?
Started killing all the kids 'cause he wasn't popular.
Wasn't popular. I guess you're real popular
'cause you're the only one alive. Yeah.
Yeah, that's real popular.
"You're the only one alive here, man.
You got next, man."
It's all about you.
You're the school president.
What else happened? Rick James, Rick James--
( audience moans )
Rick James announced
that he's gonna do his first concert in 10 years.
Slick Rick James. That's right.
He says he only wants to perform in front of a small audience.
That's right, a small audience--
the three girls he got tied up in his basement.
( laughs ) You've been to Rick's house?
Hey, a new study shows that high school students
who had access to birth control
would be less likely to have sex than those that didn't.
Unless they also had
a nickel bag and a Land Rover.
( audience clapping )
Then they got theirs. You understand?
'Cause if you've got a nickel bag and a Land Rover, you the man.
You know when I was in high school,
I didn't have to worry about sex at all, at all.
I was 30 lbs. Iighter,
I had braces, I had glasses,
shit, I was birth control.
I know what y'all are thinking,
I know right now, it's hard for y'all to do the show
'cause you want to party, 'cause you know why?
Everybody's thinking about the same thing--
tonight is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.
That's right.
Tonight is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year
and I know all of you have got plans for tonight.
So right now, we're gonna go to our correspondent
Iive in Times Square-- Jon Hayman.
Chris, it is insane here.
Although this is one of the...
Iighter turnouts we've seen in recent New Year's Eves.
Still, there are literally dozens of people
walking around the Times Square area.
And in just about, oh... 20 minutes or so,
it's hard to believe, but when that big ball drops,
it will be 5758.
Happy New Year, Chris.
Thanks a lot, Jon, we'll check with you later.
And...
everyone that is celebrating Rosh Hashanah,
I want you to drive safely, okay.
Okay, right now at "The Chris Rock Show,"
we would like to take some time out
to honor some very special Americans.
- ( soft piano playing ) - Ordinary citizens
who make extraordinary contributions in their own communities,
never getting the credit they so richly deserve.
These people volunteer their time and labor
one, two, three times a week for you and me
to perform oral sex.
( cheering loudly )
Never seeking the spotlight,
these people practice the purest form of charity--
giving in private without needing their neighbors
to know how truly merciful they are.
For most of the day they may be shopkeepers,
or homemakers, or farmers,
but for a few minutes here and there,
they're our heroes...
who through small acts of human kindness
make an increasingly hostile world
just a little bit happier.
Remaining anonymous to all but a few,
these outstanding Americans deserve a salute from all of us,
for never forgetting that charity begins at home.
So Betty, Bill,
Akim, Judith, Mary,
and Al Sharpton, we salute you
for performing oral sex.
Okay, we've got a great show tonight.
We got Viveca A. Fox in the house, we got--
( cheering loudly )
That's right.
We got Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott in the house.
( audience cheers )
And right now I want you to give it up
for Grandmaster Flash.
( cheering intensifies )
Now, coming up later this month on HBO is a new special.
Here is a peek, take a look.
Narrator: Though man has conquered his environment,
there remain those elements of nature
with the power to humble and terrify--
tornadoes,
tidal waves,
hurricanes,
and the most frightening phenomenon of them all:
- Darkness. - ( crickets chirping )
The sky turned completely black.
Stayed that way for hours.
I can't take it anymore.
I mean, in the last year alone,
we've been hit by darkness at least 365 times.
We're moving.
The children were terrified and so was l.
Kids, come on! Hurry up!
Come on, it's coming, it's coming.
Narrator: But there is one group of people who are not afraid.
They call themselves "The Darkness Chasers."
If darkness is out there, we're gonna find it.
Meet Dr. Karl Eberhardt, nocturnalist.
He and his team head to a location
where they suspect it might get dark.
Once in the field,
the chasers busy themselves setting up equipment
- and taking readings... - Point one.
This is a darkness chaser's best friend.
We know we're experiencing full on darkness
when we can no longer see it.
- Dr. Eberhardt. - Yes, Paul.
I'm getting some readings of darkness underneath this van.
No, that's shade, you fool.
I-- I've been pursuing occurrences of darkness
for about... about five years,
and my wife thinks I'm crazy.
Narrator: Dr. Eberhardt assures team readiness
with constant Darkness Dexterity Exercises.
Come on, it's always gonna be a lot darker than that!
Narrator: Eventually, frustration sets in.
- Nothing. Shit. - Well, it's 4:00 p.m.
We've been out here since 10:00 a.m.
Haven't found a sign of darkness yet.
Let's get out of here.
Narrator: Back at the Darkness lnstitute,
Dr. Eberhardt and his team regroup
in preparation for another sighting...
I believe it was the emperor Augustus Caesar
who believed that darkness
was "God putting on His shades."
Narrator: Eventually, the waiting around is over.
The call comes...
I just got a report that east of here,
they're experiencing dusk.
Conditions couldn't be any more favorable
for the formation of darkness.
Let's hope we get lucky.
( cricket chirping )
I've seen this before.
If you look up into the sky,
you'll notice that the light is disappearing in small increments.
( whispers ) It's sneaky.
Narrator: With darkness finally coming upon them,
the team becomes anxious...
This is some good darkness.
I haven't seen darkness like this since...
the last time we were out when it was dark.
Don't be alarmed. What we have here is a darkness cluster.
Don't be scared. It could last for hours.
- What are the meters showing? - I can't see anything, I'm not sure.
Woman: Yeah, I know. It's kind of dark.
Narrator: Finally, in the complete absence of light,
the chasers collect essential darkness data.
Eberhardt: Ah! That's my toe, bitch!
Male assistant: Sorry.
To learn more about darkness,
visit your local library or your basement.
Stay tuned to HBO.
Coming up next,
"The World's Scariest Sunsets."
Hey, our first guest has appeared in such films
as "Set It Off," "Booty Call," "lndependence Day,"
and you can catch her right now in the hit film "Soul Food."
Please, give it up for Viveca A. Fox.
- ( audience cheering ) - ( music playing )
What's up, my boy?
How're you doin'?
- Ooh, mm-mm-mm, Viveca on my show. - ( laughs )
Viveca A. Fox.
Thank you, thank you ver--
- What's the "A" for? - Anjanetta.
- Anjanetta? - Uh-huh.
"Anjanetta"-- that's kind of ghetto there.
Anjanetta.
My mother's from West Point, Mississippi.
- That's-- - So where she came up with Viveca
- and Anjanetta... - She had a neck bone in her lip.
"Anjanetta.
Pass the peas."
Yeah, no shit.
No no no no no no. I loved you in "Soul Food."
- ( audience applauds ) - Yeah, thank you.
I loved you in "Soul Food."
I'm glad you got the part.
( laughs ) Why?
You look good in everything I see you in,
but sometimes they give you some fucked-up parts.
( screams ) Like what?
They had you stripping in "lndependence Day."
- I was like-- - That scene was this short.
I know, but I was like I was mad, I was like,
"Okay, there's my girl. Viveca, yeah! Viveca, yeah, she working!"
- Yeah. - Yeah.
The one black lady in the whole movie, yeah!
Why the fuck they got her stripping?
- ( laughs ) - I was mad.
For once, they trusted the sister to be the sex symbol.
- You did help save the day. - Thank you.
- You did save the world. - Yes.
You know, I thought, "Did they cut out a scene or something?"
Did they cut out the scene where you shook your ass
and the aliens went that way?
( screams ) You are bad.
That was good, that was good, that was good.
So now, you know, you got the dope part,
you're married, you've got the kids, you've got the relationship--
Tell everybody what you said when you saw "Soul Food"
and I saw you at the after-party.
I was like-- I was just really happy,
it was just a good black movie, it didn't have--
it was good. It wasn't good by like "black movie standards."
- Thank you. - It was a good movie.
I tell everyone, he gave me a hug, he was like,
"Yeah, Viveca, it was live.
And it was real good for a black movie too."
- No, but it was better than that. - He did.
It wasn't-- 'cause sometimes, you watch black movies, you be like,
"Man, this shit is wack,
but it's better than that other wack shit."
( audience applauding )
Then we get to see us, right?
- Right. - Right.
And a lot of times, you watch a black movie,
you don't want to say it's bad in front of white people.
( raucous laugh )
So you just lie and shit, you know? "Oh yeah..."
"That was really good, loved it, loved it."
"l understood the whole plot of 'Waiting to Exhale', yeah.
I understood it all.
It never got convoluted at all!
It's great!
It's fabulous. Go see 'Solo'."
You...
Oh, that was...
( mock groans )
Hey, hey, speaking of wild, how did-- now, okay,
- so you did "lndependence Day," right? - Right.
Then they call you up. When you saw in the script
- that said "Booty Call"... - Uh-huh?
-...what was going through your mind? - Three things.
"l got a booty."
- Three things-- - What was going through your mind?
Okay, first I thought of Bill Bellamy, right?
From him doing the joke on "Def Comedy Jam," right?
Then I said, "Well, there's got to be something about the true definition
- of a late phone call." - Right.
- And "This shit better be funny." - Okay.
- You had some funny shit in there. - Yes we did.
- They had some funny shit. - Especially with me in it,
because I knew I wouldn't be able to live it down for the rest of my life.
Every time, you'll see me, "Girl, 'Booty Call' was wack!"
- Right? You know they would have. - And "Booty Call"--
- just the name, "Booty Call." - Thank God it was funny.
- Was really like, you know... - Out there,
- but it was a "safe sex" message film. - Was that your ass
- on the thing? - Didn't it look like it?
- And you know what l-- - I recognize your ass.
It looked like
that little cream outfit I had on,
- just colored it in blue. - Yeah.
Should've gotten some merchandise stuff, shouldn't l?
- Yeah. - Motherfuckers owe me some money.
- Could have short-sold you. - Yeah.
- That's all right. - Yeah,
- sell a little booty. - ( giggles )
It's doing really well. It tripped me out.
- I was on an airplane and to look in-- - I saw it on American.
You know what I'm saying? Was that a trip?
And you know what's really wild? I'm sitting in American
and they've got all these movies
and the white guy gets "On Golden Pond" or whatever.
And I'm like, "I'll take 'Booty Call,' please."
- Did they all turn and look at you-- - They were like, "No."
You're like, "No, really."
They were like, "Nigga, please.
Not 'Booty Call."'
Other black people are like, "No!
No, don't get that! They gonna find out!"
So, Viveca, I have to thank you for showing up...
- You know you're my boy. -...to my show.
I really love that you're here.
Everyone should go see "Soul Food." It's the best thing out.
( loud cheering )
Take care of yourself.
Well, thank you...
Sexual harassment is a sensitive
and unfortunately a prevalent topic in the news.
At "The Chris Rock Show," we believe
the only way to stop the injustice is to expose it.
My next guest is in the process of filing
a sexual harassment suit against her employer.
Please, welcome, via satellite, Sophia James.
( audience cheering )
Thank you, Chris.
See, I've been having a tough time getting my story in the media.
Why? I mean, from the information that you've given me,
this sounds like a blatant case of sexual harassment.
Oh, it is. I'm emotionally traumatized.
That's why I'm not with you in person.
I understand. Now...
could you tell us what you've been through?
I've been called horrible names
Iike "jugs," "tits" and "booby boo."
Uh...
"Booby boo"?!
Yes, you know, like...
( sings cartoon parody )
"Hey, booby, you want a booby snack?" I mean, come on.
This is not proper behavior in the workplace.
Not at all. I mean...
I think even Clarence Thomas would agree with that.
Let me ask you this. Can you prove your case?
Yes, I wore a tiny camera to work
and I caught those animals red-handed.
Okay, okay, let's see the tape.
Man: Yeah, let's see.
Hey, nice ass,
I'd like it on my face, baby.
Why won't you show us some tits, come on!
Hey, sweetheart, come here.
- Oh, yeah! - ( explicit hip hop music playing )
There you have it, Chris.
I still have a hard time watching that.
You're a stripper!
I am an employee of a strip club.
Oh, cut the crap.
Busboys are "employees at strip clubs,"
I just saw a dollar bill hanging out your ass.
( audience clapping )
Strippers can't claim sexual harassment.
It doesn't matter what profession you're in.
No one has the right to treat you like a rib.
Well, they do if you're wrestling around in barbeque sauce.
What about the name-calling?
"Jugs"? Come on, you have to admit that's sexual harassment.
If you say "jugs" to your secretary, that's sexual harassment.
But if you say "jugs" to a woman with her jugs out,
that's a witty remark.
If you don't want men touching you,
why don't you just leave the club?
Oh, I did, I made that tape on my last day.
I didn't even give them fools two weeks' notice.
Two weeks' notice?!
Who the hell do you think you are?
Bank tellers give notice.
Strippers just tiptoe out the door
to the alley, okay?
Come on, now.
I'm sure there was another naked ho waiting in the wings.
Excuse my French. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
But at least you quit, you quit. What are you doing now?
I have an interview tomorrow for a job at "Bootyland."
I ought to smack the shit out of you.
You can forget winning your sexual harassment case.
Oh, I beg to differ, all right?
Let's look at some more of that tape, Mr. Man.
( music resumes )
Hey, come on, man. There's enough titties for everybody, ah-ah-ah.
( yelling ) Stop the tape, stop the tape!
Stop the tape. Stop the fucking tape!
And thanks for coming on the show. Good luck with your case.
Here to perform the song "Sock It to Me,"
off her album "Supa Dupa Fly,"
give it up for Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott!
( singing hip hop music )
( audience cheering )
Yo! I want to thank you for coming to the show tonight,
thank my guests Viveca A. Fox,
Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott.
We'll see you next-- Flash, take us out!
- Let's go to Jon Hayman. - All right.
10, nine, eight,
seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one!
That's it! Happy New Year, everybody!
( theme music playing )